You are more important than every THING that has come into your life.

The husband gifted a new car to his wife for her birthday. He first handed over the key, then a pouch with all necessary documents, including her driving license, and followed it up with a long hug. He then offered to take care of the children and asked her to go on a long drive. She thanked him with a kiss and she was gone with her auto-baby. Hardly a kilometre into the drive, she hit a median. She was safe, but the car was dented. She was consumed with guilt, “What will I tell him? How will he take it?” Thoughts and feelings ran amok. The police were quick to arrive at the accident scene. “Can we see your license?” they demanded. Her hands still shivering, she reached out for the pouch that her husband had given her. With tears rolling down her cheeks, as she picked the license from the pouch she noticed a ‘post it’ on it with her husband’s handwriting, “Honey, in case of an accident, please remember, it is you that I love and not the car. Loving you”

Blessed are those who have understood that they should be loving people and using things, and not loving things and using people.

A scratch on the car makes our blood pressure go up… but we don’t mind a scratch in our heart. I have heard of a man who broke an artifact by intentionally throwing it on the floor and then remarked, “For eighteen years it has been giving me tension – if it breaks, if it falls down… I thought it was the time to show who the boss is and gain some peace of mind.” I have heard of another person who gave a party because his Mercedes Benz was rammed and jammed in an accident. He explained, “Though the car is completely damaged, nothing happened to me, who was inside the car. Now that I’m okay I can buy another car, but if the automobile was intact and I was gone – it wouldn’t have made much sense.”

Our life began with a 60-rupee toy car. When it broke, we cried. Then we upgraded ourselves to the 2000-rupee remote controlled car. When that was damaged, we wept. Then we were gifted the 20,000 rupee battery operated car. When that stopped working, we were depressed. Then came the 4 lakh car, after that 22 lakh SUV, followed by the 86 lakh luxury sedan… and every time something happened to this machine, whether a scratch or a dent, the mercury of our tensions and worries went up. All in all, it seems our toys have grown, but we haven’t. What we cry for has changed, but the crying is still on. Just that our crying is a lot more sophisticated now. It has many new names like anger, disappointment, frustration, stress, anxiety, etc…

Toys are there to entertain us. Toys have only one purpose: to be useful to us. From your beach house to your SUV to your latest gizmos and everything else… everything exists to make your life more comfortable. You are bigger than every THING you own. You are more precious than every THING you possess. You are more important than every THING that has come into your life.

A toy is just a toy. Buy toys. Buy more and more toys. But give them their rightful place. They are just there to be useful to you, to make your life comfortable and to entertain you. Don’t ever waste another drop of your precious tears for a toy, no matter how dear the toy may be, After all, you are the dearest of them all.

The doors of peace open only with the key of trust

Irrespective of what happened to you yesterday, irrespective of what you did to the world or what the world did to you, irrespective of anything and everything, you have to wake up every morning and trust this world all over again. I know it is easier said than done, but you don’t have a choice – just don’t have another choice – because your peace is entwined with your trust. Without trust, there is no peace. Distrust leaves you distressed.

In the thousands of time that you may use public transport, your wallet may be picked a couple of times at the most. Even when you don’t trust the world and check your wallet and check your wallet every few minutes, some competent, professional thief will get better of you and pick your pocket some day… but it would have cost you a million opportunities to be peaceful otherwise. The eyes that see every co-passenger as a potential thief would have ruined your peace thousands of times, while trusting the world would have made every journey peaceful. Be wise and not otherwise.

A Nathuram Godse may get his way through, but in seeing everyone as a potential Godse you will miss a million Gandhians. Not worth it. In search of on Osama, you will have to doubt every noble heart. Not worth it.

One employee may betray your trust. Still trust the rest. A key relationship may take your goodness to be your weakness, and your trust might be exploited. Wake up another morning and start trusting all over again. I may sound naïve, but I’m showing you the gates of peace, which open only with the keys of trust.

If peace is what you seek, even if you were cheated yesterday, then you don’t have another choice but to wake up the next morning and trust this world all over again. Whenever I have been cheated or betrayed or hurt, I have always told myself, “Thank God that I was cheated but I was not the cheat; I was betrayed, but I didn’t betray; I was hurt, but I dint hurt. Let me suffer the wrong but never inflict the wrong.”

Let us assume every morning that the world will be trustworthy from today. The world will live up to our trust a zillion times and let us down a few hundred times. The odds are tremendously in our favor. Let the heart tilt in the direction of trust.

There is only one way to peace – T.R.U.S.T

The truth you resist is the battle you fight

When lived honestly, life heals itself. The truth you resist is the battle you fight.

You have dumped clothes inside a washing machine. The machine has performed its job. Now the clothes have to be taken out for drying. The longer you keep the clothes inside the machine, the fouler the odor will be. Don’t take it out for a few days and the stench will become unbearable. So it is with our thoughts and emotions. The more and more we keep building thoughts but do not communicate, and the more and more we feel emotions but do not express, the greater becomes the gap in the relationship. How long will you sweep things under the carpet? Eventually it will come out; and when it comes out, it will come out in unmanageable ugly proportions.

Thoughts formed but not communicated, and emotions felt but not expressed become incomplete cycles. Incomplete cycles linger alive in subconscious. Metaphorically, the lingering incomplete cycles are like scratches formed on the spectacles – anything and everything seen through the spectacle looks scratched. It is ironical that the scratches are not on objects, but in the medium through which the objects are viewed. In all, they hamper the vision.

When you do not spontaneously communicate your thoughts and express your feelings, you begin to distort them. You tend to exaggerate or diminish the truth to placate your suppressed feelings. When you cannot face it, you tend to deny it. What you cannot accept, you pretend not to care about. As far as our incomplete cycles are concerned, time, it seems, makes a liar out of all of us.

The secret of emotional health is to tell the persons who hurt you that they hurt you, when they hurt you. Otherwise these incomplete cycles will reappear sometime in future and ruin even your good times. The weight of the emotional baggage burdens the present. Something in the present will remind you of some unfinished suppression and reawaken old feelings. Those reawakened feelings will lead you to act in a way that may be completely irrelevant to the current context of your life. However, it is important to remember that old feelings resurface in order to be resolved and not to punish you. Emotional stress is purely due to thoughts not communicated and emotions not expressed. Emotional illness is a storage disease.

You are telling me, “Honestly, if I start expressing all my thoughts and feelings, I will hurt the person who matters so much to me.” I am telling you, “If you don’t, you will eventually hurt the relationship itself.”

Let us learn to face the truth, even if it hurts. Let those who matter to us the most learn to face the truth, even if it hurts. Communicate your thoughts and feelings directly to the person who instigated it. Be prompt. Don’t wait for ideal conditions. Be simple. Finish your complaint and let go. Don’t exaggerate, don’t nag, don’t overkill. If the person feels with you, you have succeeded. If not, understand who you are dealing with. Accept what is. Forgive and let go of your hurt. Move on… You have nothing to prove.

What must be faced, must be faced. Sooner rather than later.

“When was the last time you got your master health check-up done?” the doctor enquired. “No doc, I have never got a master health check up done,” the man replied. “Why so?” queried the surprised doctor, and added, “Post 40, you should get your master health check up done every two years.” The man said, “I don’t want to doc. Then they will come up with reports that may say my cholesterol level is high or I’m a diabetic… god knows, what else. Now I’m absolutely fine. One health check-up and I will start feeling like a sick man.”

Knowing very well that escapism can only be transitory, and also knowing very well that you cannot eternally escape anything in life, why do you still try to escape? Why do you hope against hope? Why is it that you don’t want to know what you must know? Just because you close your eyes, it doesn’t mean that the world will become blind. Eventually, what must be faced must be faced. Then, why at all eventually? Why at all postpone? Why at all delay? The forest fire you will face tomorrow is the little spark you tried to escape yesterday.

It is a fact that most of us lack the courage to face the facts of life. (I was the same till a few days back) That we lack the courage to face the facts of life is the first brutal fact that we must face.

I think my friend is drifting away from me. Only if you face this fact, something can be done about it. I think his friends are influencing our son more than we are able to as parents. A hard fact, no doubt, but only in facing it can something be done about it. I think my relationship is falling apart. True, a heartbreaking fact, but unwilling to face this fact is not going to solve anything. I think the competition is eating into our market share. I think some of our employees are nurturing the aspirations of joining the competitor. I think my kind of work wins me not only friends, but also enemies. Though I have always told him that it was his mistake, I know in my heart of hearts that I was wrong. The list is endless…

Only if you face the fact, something can be done about it. If you avoid the fact, it gets nastier and it revisits you. At least now, face the fact. Something can still be done about it. What you avoid does not go away with you. It gets uglier, and it revisits you. Every fact you escape from will haunt you in future with thoughts such as, “I should have… I could have… I must have…”

You can always seek the right medical intervention, follow the proper fitness regime and eat the right diet. You can ease out the differences with your friend through open communication; you can take the initiatives to become your son’s best friend, open up new markets, find a human beacon who take you from here to there, and take the courage to say the small-big word ‘SORRY’. Something can always be done. Face the brutal facts of life courageously; knowing very well, only then something can be done about it.

Everything ever solved, was solved only because somebody was ready to face it. It all starts with the courage to face the facts. In facing the facts that you had always tried to avoid, for the first time you are looking at life square in the eye. Escapism is not for people like you and me. What must be faced, must be faced, sooner rather than later.

Sitting alone on a winter night,
Beside a warm luminous flame,
Comes a breeze playing with fallen leaves,
And whispers in my ears your name !

Suddenly it seemed that spring has come,
There was love in air with drizzling shower,
With every breath there is a fragrance,
With every glance there is a colorful flower.

Every drop from sky seemed like
The water from your wet hair drips,
And every pink flower i saw,
Was greiving for color from your lips.

That cuckoo singing those sweet melodies,
Seemed to have borrowed your voice,
And any other sound except your name,
Fell on my ears as mere noise.

The collection of all colors, that rainbow,
Stretching across the horizon looking pretty,
Also cant lend colors to your portrait,
As mere colors cant depict your beauty.

The stream of water trickling down the rocks,
Made sound like how you laugh.
And i imagined your glittering eyes when,
I could see the setting sun only half.

Suddenly i open my eyes and wake up to see,
The same old winter night and the burnt off flame,
I realized that it was just a broken dream,
But one thing that still remained in air was "YOUR NAME"!!!!!

- Kandarp

When you truly believe you can, no force on earth can stop you…

Desire is a great creative energy. No achievement is possible without a desire to achieve it. Desire can be and should be cultivated, controlled and most importantly directed in the right direction. None of the inherent laws which govern the world, can be suspended or repelled by any force on the same plane, but it goes without saying that a higher law can overcome a lower one. By giving all your energy to a strong positive desire that will lift you, the smaller insignificant ones can be negated. For example, when you nurture a strong desire to win the marathon, your desires to eat sweets and pastries is taken over by the desire to win the race. When you nurture a strong desire to top the class, you easily give up your desire to watch the cricket match during exams. By fostering a strong desire to finish the project on time, your desire for the sleep goes for a toss. Your desire to own a house is so persuasive that you don’t mind forgoing your weekend and working for it. The list is endless… It boils down to what is that one desire that you will continuously ignite and pledge your life with, and the rest fades away in insignificance.

We often see men and women of strong mentality empower those around them. They emanate such strong desires as vibrations, which, coming in contact with minds of others, causes the desires of the latter to be in accord with the mind of the strong individual.

Great masters possess this to a great degree. Their influence is felt far and near by making others ‘want’ to act in accord with them. In this way, men of strong desire and imagination exert powerful influence over the minds of others, leading the latter in the way desired. Leadership is nothing but empowering the mass with your desires and leading them by giving their desires a sense of direction.

When the desires of a tree, for water, makes it lift water through 367 feet(tallest tree in the world) overcoming gravity, what should be the power of a human desire? Unimaginable! This is where one has to tread cautiously, for desire is a tool, which can cause destruction or creation depending on how and for what purpose you use it. Both a Hitler, who wanted to vanquish the Jews, and a Gandhi, who perpetuated non-violence became legends by making the people feel along with their desires.

No man is ever created without the inherent power in himself to help himself. There is a divine potency in every human being and even for that to happen desire is required. Ignite that desire in you, which is beneficial not only to you, but also for hoards of people around to such gigantic proportions that it engulfs all your other desires. The only way to work is to perform all your actions in tune with that strong desire, but not be desperate for the results.

Those of us, who understand that mind is a great creative power, also understand that nothing is impossible.

When you truly believe you can, no force on earth can stop you…

Live and let live, but to get, first you need to give….

None of us is useless. Just that we are used less. And we all can use ourselves completely, only when we start living a life that is useful to others. The more and more you add values to others, the more and more valuable your life becomes. Today, the surest means to success is value addition. Today, ‘value added services’ is an industry by itself. Fundamentally, the measure of what you will be given depends on what you give.

Didn’t they teach us- when you share your knowledge with others, your knowledge grows! Haven’t we heard – the coffers of those who give are never empty! Isn’t it proverbial – if you take care of the growth of other children, life will take care of your own child!

It seems a man was walking in the desert. He still had miles to go. He spotted a hand pump. A note was stuck on the hand pump. It read, “Pour all the water that you have into this pump and pump vigorously. It will give you in return enough to fill your bottle.” The man was in a dilemma. He knew that the water he was left with was not enough for him to survive the rest of the distance in the sand dunes. However, if he poured everything he had got into the pump, and if nothing came off from the hand pump, he would be left with nothing. He decided to trust the note, and go ahead. So he poured all that he had in the pump and started pumping vigorously, as if his entire life depended on it… of course, his life depended on it. After some nerve-wracking moments water did gush from the pump. He not only had enough to quench his thirst, but also had enough to fill his can. He was then certain that he would now survive the distance. He took out his pen and added to the note: “It works, really works!”

The moral: If you want everything from life, you got to first give everything you have got to life.

Not only from a philosophical point of view, even from a materialistic point of view, when you take care of your employees, they take care of the organizational growth. When you take care of your stakeholder’s returns, they take care of your capital needs. When you take care of your customers, they service your profits. When you work on your partner’s happiness, isn’t your happiness in the relationship automatically taken care of? To start with, you take care of the seed, and one day, the seed turned in to a tree, will take care of you for a lifetime.

Stop cribbing, “Who loves me?” Start loving enough people and you will no more be starved for love. Stop crying, “Who understands me?” Start understanding others, and they in turn will stand by you. Stop complaining, “Who is interested in my growth?” Start playing a role in others growth, and growth will come in search of you. Take care of the future of your team and your team will ensure, you will have a future.

Service the interest of others, and life will service your very interest. Pull others up and life will push you up. Be there for the world, and the world will be there for you. More often than not, when you take care of the larger good, your personal good is automatically taken care of.

Live and let live, but to get, first you need to give….

Que sera,sera

These two phrases haunt us throughout our lives reducing us from confident, self assured individuals to depressed, morose bundles of nerves. “What if…” and “if only…” are two ends of the same spectrum. One creates self doubts and the other is the harbinger of regret. “What if…” simply prevents us from fulfilling our dreams because it fills us with a feeling of uncertainty as to whether what we are doing is right or not. The two words act as roadblocks in the path of individual progress as well as collective growth. While it is prudent to observe a certain amount of caution in any work we perform, it is never advisable to constantly give in to morbid thoughts about what can go wrong. Giving in to panic every time we think of accomplishing a task will only lead to failure and reluctant frustration and depression. Continuous suppression of ideas and objectives will hamper our physical, mental and spiritual growth.

A friend of mine has been thinking of embarking on a world tour with her husband for the past four years but has never made it past her door step. The moments she decides to set out, the monster called “What if…” rears its ugly head. She starts preparing a mental questionnaire where each question starts with – you guessed it… What if it snows heavily in Switzerland and we are trapped? What if hurricane Katrina strikes New Orleans when we are visiting the states? What if an earthquake shakes Japan or China as we are passing through it?

Like him, most of us succumb to the “What if” questionnaire and give up many of our dreams without even attempting. If we reflect on these doubts with a calm and composed mind, we will realize that most of the doubts are baseless. Most of the so-called hurdles are created in our minds. And if something has to go wrong, it will. As they say ‘que sera sera’ or ‘whatever will be, will be’. All we can do is to take the necessary precautions and then pray for the best and prepare for the worst.

If I could narrate the much –loved parable of the frog in the well with a slight modern touch it would probably go like this: There were two frogs in a well. One set off boldly to see the world and got enriched by the experience. The other remained in the well for all his life because a witch had cursed him that throughout his life he will have to fight the twin brothers ‘what if’ and ‘if only’ and unless he showed the courage and wisdom, the brothers would win the battle. That was what had happened exactly.

Every time the frog sat on the edge of the well and thought of exploring the world, ‘what if’ will visit him and plunge him into panic and doubt. Since he was never bold enough to shake it off, he would leap back in the wall and stay there. Soon the years passed by and one day lying on his deathbed, the frog was visited by the other brother ‘if only’. He closed his eyes and thought of innumerable times when he had thought of leaving the well, but had not. If only he had had the courage to do it, if only he had followed his friend on his journey, if only he had another chance, if only… With these regrets in mind, the frog breathed his last.

I’m sure none of us want to pass our lives - half of it in self doubt and the other half in regret. The time to act is now. Take valuable lessons from your past, use the experience wisely to guide your future and live fully in your present. Only then will you be able to banish the two siblings ‘what if’ and ‘if only’ from your life.

In letting go of your hurt, you will let in peace.

No single person, no single event, no single experience has the right to sit inside your head and continue to disturb the peace of your mind. Nothing…Nobody… should ever be given such exalted status as to have power over the peace of your mind. For the sake of your peace, let go of anything, let go of anybody, who continues to rattle you from within. Your mind and heart should be the seat of your peace and not the seat of someone or something that keeps disturbing you. Nothing at the cost of your peace. Everything for the sake of your peace. Learn to let go, not in the physical sense but in the emotional sense. Free yourself of any disturbing elements. Let go whatever. Let go whoever. Put your peace above everything.

Your within can either be a basket of fragrant flowers or a vessel of acid. When you let go of the source of your hurt, you experience an inner flowering. Else, you keep destroying yourself in the same way that acid destroys the vessel that contains it.

People hurt you out of their ignorance and their immaturity. And, you allow yourself to be hurt out of your ignorance and out of your immaturity. The fact of the matter is that between the hater and the hated, it is always the hater who gets hurt more. While your hatred may do nothing to the other, it certainly gives you sleepless nights, causes ulcers and acidity in you, and above all, does not allow you to be at peace. So, what do you get out of living with hurt? Nobody gains and for sure, you definitely lose. Why would you live with something as meaningless as hurt?

In physical sense, the people or events that hurt you happen once. But you rewind and replay the hurt a zillion times. The more you process it, the deeper it hurts. You have given a source of disturbance a higher presence within you than your own peace.

If at all anybody is wrong, let them continue to live outside of you. Don’t give them a presence within you. Let your mind and heart house only those who are a source of your peace. The rest, let them go…

In letting go of your hurt, you will let in peace. A peaceful you is a beautiful you. The good news is, you can be beautiful. The very good news is that it is in your very hands. See…. Even the thought of ‘let go’ is getting you to smile…

I will first listen to understand and then communicate to be understood.

The basis of any relationship is sympathy, apathy or empathy.

The basis of sympathy is, “I understand you. Hence I agree with you.” However by understanding and agreeing with you all the time, I feel taken for granted and sometimes even exploited. Because of my sympathetic nature, through communication and presentation, what is not ok is made to look ok.

To save myself from becoming weak I become apathetic. The basis of apathy is, “If I understand you then I tend to agree with you and become weak. So I won’t understand you.” Apathy makes me indifferent. I’m no more sensitive to your emotions. I don’t even want to risk listening to your point of view, for I may end up understanding and agreeing with you. Why should I always understand? Why don’t you understand me once?

In sympathy, I don’t feel respected in the relationship. Hence I become emotionally weak. In apathy I don’t respect the other and hence the very relationship becomes weak. To save myself as well as the relationship, the only solution is empathy.

In empathy, “I understand you, but I may or may not agree with you.” I understand why the beggar begs, but I don’t agree that begging is the way to bread. I understand why you lied, but I don’t agree to this approach of a second wrong to cover up the first wrong. I understand your work pressure, but I don’t agree that home can be your emotional dumping ground. In empathy I simply get behind your eyeballs and see things the way you see it, irrespective of whether I agree with you or not. Empathy allows me to peep into your mind and heart. In empathising with you, I become ‘you’ without losing the ‘me’. Empathy validates the point that relationships are not built by agreement but by understanding. In empathy we agree to disagree. In empathy there is mutual respect. Hence, it strengthens you, the relationship and also me. Empathy is the only way to deep and lasting relationships.

But without learning to listen, empathy can never be practiced. Most of the relationships breakdown because one of the two involved in the relationship has not learned to listen. Listening is the door to the mind and heart of those who you listen to. I get to know you only when I listen to you. Listening is caring. By listening, I’m seeking to understand. Talking is sharing. By talking I’m seeking to be understood. Both listening and talking are required to develop empathy and empathetic relationships.

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to enquire about Zen. Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring. The professor watched the overflow until he could no longer restrain himself and said, “Its overfull. No more would go in!”

“Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

I will first listen to understand. Through my listening, I will help people to first empty themselves. Only then will I communicate to be understood. And now, I’ll fill them up.

Preconceived Notions

Sahil adjusted his tie for the umpteenth number of time as he made his way across the sprawling gardens of the call centre, where he worked as an agent. He had been handpicked to take Jane, the director of operations at their UK headquarters, on a tour of Chennai. Although mindful of the honour bestowed on him, he was a bundle of nerves. This was her first visit to India and he had never interacted with her before. Before even meeting her he had decided that she would be a strict matronly type, who would instruct him to keep his finger on his lips.

He soon found out how wrong he was. During the introduction, the first thing he noticed about her was her sincere smile and warm handshake. She was a woman in her fifties and dressed comfortably in casual chi, while he was roasting in three piece suit in the sweltering heat of Chennai: all because he had assumed that she would turn up in formal attire. Before he could teach her anything about Chennai she had taught him a valuable lesson: how to be comfortable within himself.

His careful thought-out plan of taking her on a tour of Chennai’s swankiest malls went for a toss when she requested to visit a place steeped in Indian culture. He was ashamed when not a single name sprung up in his mind. Five years in this lovely city and he had never bothered to explore it, assuming there was nothing out of ordinary to visit. He called his wife and she came to his rescue by suggesting Dakshina Chitra on the ECR.

Needless to say, Jane thoroughly enjoyed the tour but Sahil enjoyed it more. The life size ‘huts’ representing the four south Indian states made for stunning panorama. They had lunch at the complex restaurant and Jane surprised him again by eating with her hands while he ate with a fork and a spoon. She regaled with throughout the meal with anecdotes about her kids, pets work and he shared with her the misadventures of his tiny tots.

Next she requested to visit a temple and he suggested Kapaleeshwara, one of the oldest temples in Chennai. When they reached the temple, they heard that a Bharatanatyam recital was about to start. Sahil quickly suggested leaving the place as it would get impossibly crowded, but she wanted to stay. Reluctantly he sat down to view the performance. “What beauty do people find in exaggerated movements?” he pondered sulkily. Over the next two hours he found the answer. He sat mesmerised by the grace and elegance of the dancers as they swayed perfectly to the rhythm of the beats under the canopy of stars.

The day came to an end and he bid Jane a warm goodbye. On his way back he recapitulated the number of preconceived notions that had been obliterated that day and smiled to himself.

Pre-conceived notions can be as dangerous as half-baked knowledge. A famous joke goes like this: After a training session on parachutes, the commanding officer reminds the junior recruits the importance of opening the parachute at the correct time. A recruit meekly voices his doubt, “And what if it does not open?” The officer replies with a flourish, “That my boy will be an apt example of Jumping to Conclusions.” We know how fatal it can be , and yet we keep making the error of pronouncing snap judgements.

When we spot a new student sitting aloof, from the rest of the group, we are quick to label him snobbish and arrogant. We never pause to think that he could be an introvert and that we should take the effort to break the ice.

We look at our colleague’s shabby clothes and conclude that he is too lazy to buy new ones. When a buddy refuses to join us for group lunch, he immediately gets dubbed ‘miserly’. Do we know their financial hardships? Do we ever acknowledge the fact that providing their families with three square meals a day or giving their children a descent education may be more important to them than owning designer clothes or gorging on packaged junk food?

We espy a fat person and are hasty to award him the sobriquet of a glutton. We do not examine if the cause of his obesity is something more serious than food, may be a thyroid problem for instance. Why? We do not have the time. We have to slot him in some bracket and get on with judging the next character, which comes along.

After his encounter with Jane, Sahil sure is trying to change his thought process. This way of thinking has been his companion for the last three decades and it cannot be easily shaken off, but he is doing his best. Let us persevere and have patience. Let us not judge him a rash judge of personalities.

This reminds me of a quote that my dad had written on a paper and pinned up on a board in my house: “Let us not judge others, so that we may not be judged.”

The Endless Quest...

There is a story about Mullah Nasruddin that goes like this. One day Mullah Nasruddin lost his ring down in the basement of his house, where it was very dark. There being no chance of his finding it in that darkness, he went on the streets and started looking for it there. Somebody passing by stopped and enquired: “What are you looking for Mullah Nasruddin? Have you lost something?” “Yes, I’ve lost my ring down in the basement”, said Mullah Nasruddin. “But why don’t you look for it down in the basement where you lost it?” asked the man in surprise. “Don’t be silly!” said Mullah Nasruddin, “How do you expect me to find anything in that darkness!”

But really isn’t that the irony of life? We look for something where we expect to find it, not where we want to find it, not where it necessarily is. Bring on the list of expectations- yes that long, endless list. The greatest challenge in today’s over populous world is rising expectations in relationships, and the striving to live up to them. Everyone is running in one direction or the other and there‘s a lot riding on each tide as it comes in and goes. Often we find ourselves short of patience, time and energy. Patience may not be a virtue your sibling seems to possess in abundance, but you still seek it from him. That you lose your temper over it is a different issue altogether. Don’t we often yearn for love where none is forthcoming? It’s not that we don’t have enough people who love us already, but that we want to be loved by that one person. Often we feel let down because we seek courage in a coward, loyalty in a nomad, encouragement from a cynic, faith from an atheist, obedience from an anarchist, emotional bonding from the disconnected, love and tolerance from the extremist, happiness from the world, stability in the stock market. The terms may make these qualities seem like abstractions, but you’ll find that you see them in people you come across all the time.

But isn’t that the very point of it all-What good is it to me to have a calm neighbour and a terribly impatient spouse? It’s like having all the solutions in the world but no problems to solve. No one had ever to try hard to be loved and treated with compassion by Mother Teresa- it was always there for the taking. But where these desirable qualities don’t seem to exist, one has to summon them, seek them out. If not by nature, everyone is capable of developing, acquiring and nurturing desired qualities. Why look outside, a peek into the mirror will unravel the long list of expectations we have from our own self.

As far as it concerns us, we know it is possible to summon the qualities we expect of our self , although it may take time. And when it comes to the world, it may sometimes seem that we are banging our head against a wall, but we never know when we’ll make headway. There are also times when we realize that we’ve been barking up the wrong tree, when we reach the topmost rung of the ladder to find that it’s been leaning against the wrong wall!!! Impractical as the Mullah’s actions may appear, in people, situations and relationships look where you expect to find something, for earnest and constant seeking does yield results even in the most unlikely of the situations, from the most unlikely individuals.

The Complaint Of The Sun

One day i felt as if sun was telling me something,

When i was gazing at the sky, that early morning,

He said-" To whom should i say my complaint?

No one adores me, neither a poet nor a saint.

Every poet and writer praises

Only that moon, in their phrases

They sing in praise of the moon and his moonlight,

And compare their beloved face with the moon bright.

That moon whose size is never constant,

Who is either full or in cresent,

Never visible on a new moon night

But still he is admirable in everybody sight!

Though his golden body is black stained,

And his shape is never sustained,

Though his arrival in sky is always late

He is welcomed heartily by people, Oh! what a fate!

Look at me, i am so regular in rising,

Do not delay even for a second in setting,

I will never ever change my strategy

And i'm the ultimate source of energy

What about that moon who is a borrower of my light,

He is dull while i'm bright,

The world admires him and forgets my virtues,

But i'll wait for the day when they'll change their views."

The Waiting Game

The Pipal Tree! It stood firm there in a temple near my house in my town with its tender leaves rustling in the breeze all day long. As a child I fondly watched it every single day and my admiration for it never diminished.

One day I saw a Pipal leaf in my friend’s notebook. It had turned into a beautiful web formed by the veins of the leaf. Oh! It was magical for me! I wanted it too. My friend informed me that when Pipal leaves dried naturally, they leave behind a webbed skeleton of veins. That very evening while returning from school, I went under the Pipal tree, selected a leaf for myself, stored it in a book of mine as explained by my friend and then the wait began...

Every evening after returning from school, I would straight away run towards my book to see the progress, nothing much happened though. A few days passed, but there was no sign of magic that I had expected. A week went by , then another and another. Yes, the leaf was drying slowly, but that was it. I waited for a few more weeks and then out of sheer frustration, one day I tore apart the leaf and threw it away. Years later I learnt that the process of drying required a lot of time and also that there were other quicker techniques for getting the skeleton!!!

As a child I was impatient to see the changes in the Pipal leaf and as a grownup I saw myself getting impatient to see the changes and improvements in people I love. I thought, I contemplated, and I understood…

1. That very often we expect people to change or improve to meet the standards that we set. I feel that people should forgive as easily as I can. I expect my teammates to work with the same passion that I do. I also expect my friends to play with the same enthusiasm and intent that I play with. There is no issue with these expectations. In fact, they help others to grow. The issue arises when I get disturbed about my expectations not being met in the time frame that I’ve set. So even after communicating a number of times, if she is not sensitive enough to a few situations, it upsets me. He not playing as seriously as I do makes me angry. The issue is not the expectation but it is the disturbance.

2. People change where they want to change. I may want them to change in one aspect and something else may be their priority.

3. Just because I’m not able to see positive changes in people immediately, it doesn’t mean they are not good people or they are not improving. They may be improving but my ambitious time frame for them may block me from seeing those little changes.

4. People will follow my example more than my advice. It is very easy to point out at others and let them know where they need to change. What’s not easy is to invest the same time and energy on myself and get to know where I need to improve. Mahatma Gandhi rightly said, “The true textbook of a pupil is his teacher.” When we change, when we improve, the world around us also improves.

Our loved ones deserve our patience; deserve our appreciation for the little improvements. We need to celebrate their improvements rather than being critical about their imperfections. In fact, I wonder, what would people do for the rest of their lives if they all turned perfect overnight?

I guess I need to get a new leaf for myself and watch it transform-this time, patiently.

My last post was about what i learnt from life in a hard way. I'm also lucky enough to have got a chance to work in a corporate world with RedPill Solutions (now a part of IBM) as an intern.

Having been a part of a corporate life for around 8 months, i have learnt that relationship with an organization is more or less similar to a marital relationship.Compatibility - of culture,value systems, and people, plays a major role here too.

Here too divorce exists though the terminology is different! Here too the stakes are very high. Here too it is possible to build a beautiful relationship and makes one's work life happy and smooth. It only requires for us to follow some basic ethics and values that help in adapting, adjusting, retaining and growing. After all, it is mutually beneficial relationship where one has to give and take.

To be frank, one can not get to the top by just rubbing shoulders with big people, or by doing politics. Over and above qualification and certification, there are certain core values that surely help one to get to the top and also make one stay over there.

No.1: Attitude

Attitude plays a major role in making or breaking one's career. A positive attitude breaks barriers and make the person achieve, irrespective of his degrees and certificates. A positive attitude is sure to enable one's growth and success. An individual must believe that he will make it happen, come what may. This is a key factor for so many lesser privileged to achieve despite drawbacks.

No.2: Passion

Without the fire called "Passion", one can only keep watching the clock to count the number of hours one puts in. A person with passion, no matter what, will ensure that the work assigned will be completed within time limit. There will be no word called 'Procrastination' in their dictionary. The fire has to keep burning to learn new things, experiment and to innovate.

No.3: Loyalty

This is one more factor that decides why some employees stay with an organization while others don't. Being loyal means staying with the organization, speaking well about the organization and also giving references to join. Also it gives ample time for an employee to grow and prove himself. It also brings with it a lot of respect and admiration and allows the organization to elevate and support the employee. So being loyal does not question my marketability for job offers. It only proves my strength and capabilities to adapt, persevere and grow along with the organization.

No.4: Humility

As we grow up the ladder, so must our humility. Humility is not a sign of weakness. In fact, only people with the most balanced and matured minds are capable of this and it is only these who make it to the top. Humility does not mean you think less OF yourself. It only means you think less ABOUT yourself.

No.5: Respect

Be it in the corporate world or otherwise, it is actually a small world. Give respect and take respect is the policy. One never knows whom we would meet again and again in the journey of life. Always respect the individual be it your boss, your subordinates, your colleagues, or anyone for that matter. We have something to learn from everyone, irrespective of age or seniority.

No.6: Caution

Think before you act. Never be impulsive in saying or writing. Once said, you cannot take it back and once written, its proof. Especially, when in anger, it is always better to wait for a day or two, to let the feelings pass.(This rings a bell or two in my ears!!! I still feel embarrassed when i think about what i did in the flow of emotions once) Always consult someone close to you for good advice.

No.7: No Politics

Do not engage in politics even if seems interesting. Even the walls have ears bickering about others behind their backs, revealing things said in confidence, loose talks are all politics and best avoided. Politics stunts growth for sure.

No.8: Honesty

There is no alternative to honesty. Honesty pays. It is an integral element of credibility and hence character. Dishonesty has a very short shelf life.

No.9: Knowledge Transfer

Record every learning and experience and pass it to your next in line. Do not hesitate to transfer valuable knowledge and best practices that might help another person to learn and grow. Allowing other persons to grow is the sign of strength.

No.10: Hard Work

There is no substitute for hard work. Hard work pays. Nothing comes easy in life and every thing good in life comes with a price and once we have decided to make it big, we will have to burn the midnight oil, dirty our hands, and sometimes sacrifice our personal interests. It all depends on what we want to achieve and how much we are prepared to stretch ourselves to achieve it.

Remember, Success is not what you achieve compared to others. It is what you achieve compared to what you are capable of.

Thanks to all those people who made my internship a success at RedPill.

What I Have Learned The Hard Way

I've learned: That you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. That it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life counts. That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. That no matter how much i care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned: That it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it. That you should not compare yourself to the best others can do. That you can do something in an instance that will give you heartache for life. That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. That either you control your attitude or it controls you. That no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned: That heroes are those people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. That its hard to determine where to draw line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

I've learned: That sometimes people you expect to kick you when you are down will be the ones to help you get back up. That sometimes when i'm angry, i have the right to be angry but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned: That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. That your maturity is always one leg below the experiences you have in life and the very purpose of every new experience is to give you that maturity.

I've learned: That you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it. That no matter how parents try to protect their children, children will eventually get hurt and parents too will get hurt in the process.

I've learned: That my friends and i can do anything or nothing, and have the best time. That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. That we don't have to change friends, if we understand that friends change. That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned: That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.That life will continue teaching me things THE HARD WAY...

Dew Drops or Tears?

While walking in my garden that early morning,
On the trees i saw water drops shining.
I started wondering- The sky is clear
And neither is rainy season anywhere near!

A question rose in my mind,
From where can come, the water of this kind?
Someone introduced it as dewdrops at last,
And i pondered who passed from here last?

The answer i got was "The Night",
And on thinking i found it right.
I asked the night,"Who poured this water here?"
She replied,"Its not water but my tear."

"Your tears!",I asked with surprise,
"Yes",She said,"I cried not once but thrice."
I exclaimed,"You cried, but why?"
And the night told me why did she cry.

Kindly tell me O night passing by,
I see these dewdrops but why?
With a heavy seigh replied the night
When my heart cries, my tears fall as dewdrops bright

The reasons the night cried:

Reason 1:

When i see those little orphans weeping,
Dreaming for a glimpse of their mother while sleeping,
When i see them hurt and suffering,
Tears rolling from my eyes fall as dewdrops shining.

Reason 2:

Some tired travellers of this life's journey,
Getting old and loosing energy,
I see them insulted and becoming helpless being,
Tears rolling from my eyes fall as dewdrops shining.

Reason 3:

In the morning blossoms a lovely flower,
It spreads its fragrance far and near,
On my arrival, when i see it withering,
Tears rolling from my eyes fall as dewdrops shining.

So next time u see dewdrops in the morning,
Just think, these r dewdrops or tears?

And I Thought RAM-ayana was Pre-Historic!!!

LAN, LAN ago, in the SYSTEM of I/O-dhya(Ayodhyaa),there ruled a PROCESSOR named DOS-rat (dashrath). He had Three queens - CONSOLE-ya, CHECKSUM-itra and CIE/CAE.

Once he EXECUTED a great sacrifice PROGRAM with sage Shrungi as the OPERATING SYSTEM after which his queens gave an OUTPUT of four SUNs-- RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and SHUT-rughana.

RAM the eldest was a MICROCHIP with excellent MEMORY and processing powers. His brothers, however, were only PERIPHERAL ICs; everytime RAM addressed them, they said, "I-C".

Once when RAM was only 16MB, the great sage Vish-WAN-mitra sought his help to fight some DAEMONs who persistently RAIDed his hermitage. After a brief collision, RAM routed them so easily that he came to be called DAEMON ROUTER. He then proceeded to marry princess 'C'ta. ‘C’ta's sisters, who were not her blood sisters and hence called TRAN-sisters, married RAM's ICs. On the way back to I/O-dhya, the entourage met Parashu-ROM (or P-ROM as he was better known), the scourge of the kshatriyas. Taking up the P-ROM challenge, RAM aimed an arrow at him; he threatened to take away P-ROM's powers of locomotion, thereby converting him to Static RAM. P-ROM humbly withdrew and the procession reached I/O-dhya.

12 years passed and DOS-rat decided to INSTALL RAM as his successor. However, Queen CIE/CAE (Kaykeyee), who was once offered a boon by DOS-rat for a life saving HELP COMMAND, LOADED this opportunity at the instigation of her BIOSed maid MAN-thara(a real PLOTTER),and insisted that her son Bug-rat be INSTALLED and that RAM be BOOTED to the forest for 14 years. This cruel and unexpected demand, caused a HARD DISK FAILURE in DOS-rat and he collapsed, power-less.

RAM agreed to LOG INTO forest and 'C'ta insisted to LOGIN with him. LSI-man was also resolved on LOGGING IN with his brother as a SLAVE-LSI. The forest was the dwelling of SPARC-nakha, the TRANSISTOR of RAW-wan, PROCESSOR of LAN-ka. Attracted by RAM's stature, she proposed that he marry her. RAM, politely declined and forwarded her to LSI-man who also politely declined. Perceiving 'C'ta to be the SOURCE CODE of her distress, she hastened to kill her. On ‘c’ing this, LSI-man TRUNCATED SPARC-nakha’s PERIPHERALS like ears and nose.

Weeping, SPARC-nakha fled to LAN-ka, where RAW-wan, moved by TRANSISTOR's plight, approached his uncle Maricha. Maricha MASKED himself into the form of a golden sTAG and DRAGGED RAM deep into the forest. Finally, tired of chase, RAM shot the deer, who, with his last breath, cried out desperately for LSI-man in RAM's voice. Fooled by this VIRTUAL RAM SOUND, 'C'ta urged LSI-man to his brother's aid. Catching the opportunity, RAW-wan DELINKED 'C'ta from her LIBRARY and changed her ROOT DIRECTORY to LAN-ka by BROADCASTING her over sky.

RAM and LSI-man started SEARCHING for the missing 'C'ta all over the forest. While UNZIPPING the forest, they encountered Ha-NEUMAN, who took them to his MAIN PROGRAMMER SU-greev. They made friendship with the forest SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR SU-greev and his powerful co-processor Ha-NEUMAN. SU-greev agreed to help RAM but first wanted help from RAM to delete his own sibling node VAALI. SU-greev's intention was obvious. He wanted to be the only admin around & wanted to grab all the consulting jobs in the forest.

RAM CRASHED VAALI using some un-documented features. VAALI cried foul and started complaining to the justice department saying that it was not a fair fight.RAM then convinced everyone using his trademark MICRO SOFT WORDs coupled with a few FREE vedic goodies. Though some of the onlookers such as ORACLE (seer)and pancha bhutas such as SUN, disagreed with RAM's micro soft touch, they all shut their mouths fearing RAM's reach among the user community.

SU-greev ordered his PROGRAMMERS to use powerful 'SEARCH' techniques to FIND the missing 'C'ta. His SUBPROGRAMS SEARCHED all around the INTER-NETworked forests.

Many tried to 'EXCITE' the birds and animals, not to forget the 'WEB CRAWLERS' and tried to 'INFO SEEK' something about 'C'ta. Some of them even shouted 'YAA-HOO' but they all ended up with either 'NOT FOUND'MESSAGES or HANG OUT. Several other SEARCH techniques proved useless.

Ha-NEUMAN devised a RISKy TECHNOLOGY and used it to cross the seas at an astonishing CLOCK SPEED. On the way he bumped with a few satellite signals but was able to avoid deflections due to his own high strength. Soon Ha-NEUMAN DOWNLOADED himself into LAN-ka. As soon as ha-NEUMAN reached LAN-ka, he had to collide with its firewall called LAN-kini. The firewall made desperate attempts to stop ha-NEUMAN entering into its internal network, but the great ha-NEUMAN detected a loop hole in LAN-kini's firewall. Using micro code, he broke the security and entered LAN-ka.

After doing some local SEARCH, Ha-NEUMAN found 'C'ta weeping under a TREE STRUCTURE in ashok vatika(Garden where ‘C’ta was STORED). Ha-NEUMAN used a LOGIN ID (ring) to identify himself to 'C'ta. After DECRYPTING THE KEY, 'C'ta believed in him and asked him to send a STATUS_OK MESSAGE to RAM through RING topology. Meanwhile all the raakshasa BUGS around 'C'ta tried using many pyro-techniques to capture Ha-NEUMAN who was engaged in DELETING trees from the Ashok vatika. But all of them were unable to put an END TASK to Ha-NEUMAN’s process. At last RAW-WAN’S son INDIRECT-jIT INTURRUPTED Ha-NEUMAN’s TASK. On FORWARDING Ha-NEUMAN to RAW-WAN, RAW-WAN DEMANDED TO INSERT the virus-‘Fire’ in Ha-NEUMAN’s tail. But Ha-NEUMAN managed to spread chaos by spreading the VIRUS 'Fire'. Ha-NEUMAN happily pressed ESC from LAN-ka and conveyed all the STATUS MESSAGES to RAM and SU-greev, they at once started to MOVE towards LAN-ka. RAM felt happy with ha-NEUMAN's methodology of execution and embarked on a project code named EXPLORER to delete the netESCAPING RAW-wan. NULL and NILL, programmers of SU-greev were expert in PROGRAMING stones to float on water and with their skills RAM even created a bridge and GATEWAY to acess LAN-ka network. In the mean time, signs were apparent in LAN-ka about the imminent danger from RAM's project EXPLORER, but RAW-wan refused to budge. Sensing disaster, his own sub-program called vibhee-SHUN, executed a 'GO TO' statement and branched out to RAM's camp.

RAW-wan decided to take the all powerful RAM head-on and prepared for the battle. One of the RAW-WAN's SUN (son)INDIRET-jIT almost DELETED RAM & LSI-man with a powerful weapon. But Ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE-X gradients from HILL GATES and REBOOTED RAM and LSI-man.

RAM COMPILED the SOURCE CODE secrets of RAW-WAN from RAW-WAN’s brother Vibhee-SHUN and once for all wiped out RAW-wan's presense on earth. After the battle, RAM got INSTALLED in I/O-dhya and ‘expanded’ his MICRO SOFT WORKS and other USER FRIENDLY PROGRAMS to all USERS and every one lived happily ever after.