In letting go of your hurt, you will let in peace.

No single person, no single event, no single experience has the right to sit inside your head and continue to disturb the peace of your mind. Nothing…Nobody… should ever be given such exalted status as to have power over the peace of your mind. For the sake of your peace, let go of anything, let go of anybody, who continues to rattle you from within. Your mind and heart should be the seat of your peace and not the seat of someone or something that keeps disturbing you. Nothing at the cost of your peace. Everything for the sake of your peace. Learn to let go, not in the physical sense but in the emotional sense. Free yourself of any disturbing elements. Let go whatever. Let go whoever. Put your peace above everything.

Your within can either be a basket of fragrant flowers or a vessel of acid. When you let go of the source of your hurt, you experience an inner flowering. Else, you keep destroying yourself in the same way that acid destroys the vessel that contains it.

People hurt you out of their ignorance and their immaturity. And, you allow yourself to be hurt out of your ignorance and out of your immaturity. The fact of the matter is that between the hater and the hated, it is always the hater who gets hurt more. While your hatred may do nothing to the other, it certainly gives you sleepless nights, causes ulcers and acidity in you, and above all, does not allow you to be at peace. So, what do you get out of living with hurt? Nobody gains and for sure, you definitely lose. Why would you live with something as meaningless as hurt?

In physical sense, the people or events that hurt you happen once. But you rewind and replay the hurt a zillion times. The more you process it, the deeper it hurts. You have given a source of disturbance a higher presence within you than your own peace.

If at all anybody is wrong, let them continue to live outside of you. Don’t give them a presence within you. Let your mind and heart house only those who are a source of your peace. The rest, let them go…

In letting go of your hurt, you will let in peace. A peaceful you is a beautiful you. The good news is, you can be beautiful. The very good news is that it is in your very hands. See…. Even the thought of ‘let go’ is getting you to smile…

I will first listen to understand and then communicate to be understood.

The basis of any relationship is sympathy, apathy or empathy.

The basis of sympathy is, “I understand you. Hence I agree with you.” However by understanding and agreeing with you all the time, I feel taken for granted and sometimes even exploited. Because of my sympathetic nature, through communication and presentation, what is not ok is made to look ok.

To save myself from becoming weak I become apathetic. The basis of apathy is, “If I understand you then I tend to agree with you and become weak. So I won’t understand you.” Apathy makes me indifferent. I’m no more sensitive to your emotions. I don’t even want to risk listening to your point of view, for I may end up understanding and agreeing with you. Why should I always understand? Why don’t you understand me once?

In sympathy, I don’t feel respected in the relationship. Hence I become emotionally weak. In apathy I don’t respect the other and hence the very relationship becomes weak. To save myself as well as the relationship, the only solution is empathy.

In empathy, “I understand you, but I may or may not agree with you.” I understand why the beggar begs, but I don’t agree that begging is the way to bread. I understand why you lied, but I don’t agree to this approach of a second wrong to cover up the first wrong. I understand your work pressure, but I don’t agree that home can be your emotional dumping ground. In empathy I simply get behind your eyeballs and see things the way you see it, irrespective of whether I agree with you or not. Empathy allows me to peep into your mind and heart. In empathising with you, I become ‘you’ without losing the ‘me’. Empathy validates the point that relationships are not built by agreement but by understanding. In empathy we agree to disagree. In empathy there is mutual respect. Hence, it strengthens you, the relationship and also me. Empathy is the only way to deep and lasting relationships.

But without learning to listen, empathy can never be practiced. Most of the relationships breakdown because one of the two involved in the relationship has not learned to listen. Listening is the door to the mind and heart of those who you listen to. I get to know you only when I listen to you. Listening is caring. By listening, I’m seeking to understand. Talking is sharing. By talking I’m seeking to be understood. Both listening and talking are required to develop empathy and empathetic relationships.

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to enquire about Zen. Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring. The professor watched the overflow until he could no longer restrain himself and said, “Its overfull. No more would go in!”

“Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

I will first listen to understand. Through my listening, I will help people to first empty themselves. Only then will I communicate to be understood. And now, I’ll fill them up.