Preconceived Notions

Sahil adjusted his tie for the umpteenth number of time as he made his way across the sprawling gardens of the call centre, where he worked as an agent. He had been handpicked to take Jane, the director of operations at their UK headquarters, on a tour of Chennai. Although mindful of the honour bestowed on him, he was a bundle of nerves. This was her first visit to India and he had never interacted with her before. Before even meeting her he had decided that she would be a strict matronly type, who would instruct him to keep his finger on his lips.

He soon found out how wrong he was. During the introduction, the first thing he noticed about her was her sincere smile and warm handshake. She was a woman in her fifties and dressed comfortably in casual chi, while he was roasting in three piece suit in the sweltering heat of Chennai: all because he had assumed that she would turn up in formal attire. Before he could teach her anything about Chennai she had taught him a valuable lesson: how to be comfortable within himself.

His careful thought-out plan of taking her on a tour of Chennai’s swankiest malls went for a toss when she requested to visit a place steeped in Indian culture. He was ashamed when not a single name sprung up in his mind. Five years in this lovely city and he had never bothered to explore it, assuming there was nothing out of ordinary to visit. He called his wife and she came to his rescue by suggesting Dakshina Chitra on the ECR.

Needless to say, Jane thoroughly enjoyed the tour but Sahil enjoyed it more. The life size ‘huts’ representing the four south Indian states made for stunning panorama. They had lunch at the complex restaurant and Jane surprised him again by eating with her hands while he ate with a fork and a spoon. She regaled with throughout the meal with anecdotes about her kids, pets work and he shared with her the misadventures of his tiny tots.

Next she requested to visit a temple and he suggested Kapaleeshwara, one of the oldest temples in Chennai. When they reached the temple, they heard that a Bharatanatyam recital was about to start. Sahil quickly suggested leaving the place as it would get impossibly crowded, but she wanted to stay. Reluctantly he sat down to view the performance. “What beauty do people find in exaggerated movements?” he pondered sulkily. Over the next two hours he found the answer. He sat mesmerised by the grace and elegance of the dancers as they swayed perfectly to the rhythm of the beats under the canopy of stars.

The day came to an end and he bid Jane a warm goodbye. On his way back he recapitulated the number of preconceived notions that had been obliterated that day and smiled to himself.

Pre-conceived notions can be as dangerous as half-baked knowledge. A famous joke goes like this: After a training session on parachutes, the commanding officer reminds the junior recruits the importance of opening the parachute at the correct time. A recruit meekly voices his doubt, “And what if it does not open?” The officer replies with a flourish, “That my boy will be an apt example of Jumping to Conclusions.” We know how fatal it can be , and yet we keep making the error of pronouncing snap judgements.

When we spot a new student sitting aloof, from the rest of the group, we are quick to label him snobbish and arrogant. We never pause to think that he could be an introvert and that we should take the effort to break the ice.

We look at our colleague’s shabby clothes and conclude that he is too lazy to buy new ones. When a buddy refuses to join us for group lunch, he immediately gets dubbed ‘miserly’. Do we know their financial hardships? Do we ever acknowledge the fact that providing their families with three square meals a day or giving their children a descent education may be more important to them than owning designer clothes or gorging on packaged junk food?

We espy a fat person and are hasty to award him the sobriquet of a glutton. We do not examine if the cause of his obesity is something more serious than food, may be a thyroid problem for instance. Why? We do not have the time. We have to slot him in some bracket and get on with judging the next character, which comes along.

After his encounter with Jane, Sahil sure is trying to change his thought process. This way of thinking has been his companion for the last three decades and it cannot be easily shaken off, but he is doing his best. Let us persevere and have patience. Let us not judge him a rash judge of personalities.

This reminds me of a quote that my dad had written on a paper and pinned up on a board in my house: “Let us not judge others, so that we may not be judged.”

The Endless Quest...

There is a story about Mullah Nasruddin that goes like this. One day Mullah Nasruddin lost his ring down in the basement of his house, where it was very dark. There being no chance of his finding it in that darkness, he went on the streets and started looking for it there. Somebody passing by stopped and enquired: “What are you looking for Mullah Nasruddin? Have you lost something?” “Yes, I’ve lost my ring down in the basement”, said Mullah Nasruddin. “But why don’t you look for it down in the basement where you lost it?” asked the man in surprise. “Don’t be silly!” said Mullah Nasruddin, “How do you expect me to find anything in that darkness!”

But really isn’t that the irony of life? We look for something where we expect to find it, not where we want to find it, not where it necessarily is. Bring on the list of expectations- yes that long, endless list. The greatest challenge in today’s over populous world is rising expectations in relationships, and the striving to live up to them. Everyone is running in one direction or the other and there‘s a lot riding on each tide as it comes in and goes. Often we find ourselves short of patience, time and energy. Patience may not be a virtue your sibling seems to possess in abundance, but you still seek it from him. That you lose your temper over it is a different issue altogether. Don’t we often yearn for love where none is forthcoming? It’s not that we don’t have enough people who love us already, but that we want to be loved by that one person. Often we feel let down because we seek courage in a coward, loyalty in a nomad, encouragement from a cynic, faith from an atheist, obedience from an anarchist, emotional bonding from the disconnected, love and tolerance from the extremist, happiness from the world, stability in the stock market. The terms may make these qualities seem like abstractions, but you’ll find that you see them in people you come across all the time.

But isn’t that the very point of it all-What good is it to me to have a calm neighbour and a terribly impatient spouse? It’s like having all the solutions in the world but no problems to solve. No one had ever to try hard to be loved and treated with compassion by Mother Teresa- it was always there for the taking. But where these desirable qualities don’t seem to exist, one has to summon them, seek them out. If not by nature, everyone is capable of developing, acquiring and nurturing desired qualities. Why look outside, a peek into the mirror will unravel the long list of expectations we have from our own self.

As far as it concerns us, we know it is possible to summon the qualities we expect of our self , although it may take time. And when it comes to the world, it may sometimes seem that we are banging our head against a wall, but we never know when we’ll make headway. There are also times when we realize that we’ve been barking up the wrong tree, when we reach the topmost rung of the ladder to find that it’s been leaning against the wrong wall!!! Impractical as the Mullah’s actions may appear, in people, situations and relationships look where you expect to find something, for earnest and constant seeking does yield results even in the most unlikely of the situations, from the most unlikely individuals.

The Complaint Of The Sun

One day i felt as if sun was telling me something,

When i was gazing at the sky, that early morning,

He said-" To whom should i say my complaint?

No one adores me, neither a poet nor a saint.

Every poet and writer praises

Only that moon, in their phrases

They sing in praise of the moon and his moonlight,

And compare their beloved face with the moon bright.

That moon whose size is never constant,

Who is either full or in cresent,

Never visible on a new moon night

But still he is admirable in everybody sight!

Though his golden body is black stained,

And his shape is never sustained,

Though his arrival in sky is always late

He is welcomed heartily by people, Oh! what a fate!

Look at me, i am so regular in rising,

Do not delay even for a second in setting,

I will never ever change my strategy

And i'm the ultimate source of energy

What about that moon who is a borrower of my light,

He is dull while i'm bright,

The world admires him and forgets my virtues,

But i'll wait for the day when they'll change their views."

The Waiting Game

The Pipal Tree! It stood firm there in a temple near my house in my town with its tender leaves rustling in the breeze all day long. As a child I fondly watched it every single day and my admiration for it never diminished.

One day I saw a Pipal leaf in my friend’s notebook. It had turned into a beautiful web formed by the veins of the leaf. Oh! It was magical for me! I wanted it too. My friend informed me that when Pipal leaves dried naturally, they leave behind a webbed skeleton of veins. That very evening while returning from school, I went under the Pipal tree, selected a leaf for myself, stored it in a book of mine as explained by my friend and then the wait began...

Every evening after returning from school, I would straight away run towards my book to see the progress, nothing much happened though. A few days passed, but there was no sign of magic that I had expected. A week went by , then another and another. Yes, the leaf was drying slowly, but that was it. I waited for a few more weeks and then out of sheer frustration, one day I tore apart the leaf and threw it away. Years later I learnt that the process of drying required a lot of time and also that there were other quicker techniques for getting the skeleton!!!

As a child I was impatient to see the changes in the Pipal leaf and as a grownup I saw myself getting impatient to see the changes and improvements in people I love. I thought, I contemplated, and I understood…

1. That very often we expect people to change or improve to meet the standards that we set. I feel that people should forgive as easily as I can. I expect my teammates to work with the same passion that I do. I also expect my friends to play with the same enthusiasm and intent that I play with. There is no issue with these expectations. In fact, they help others to grow. The issue arises when I get disturbed about my expectations not being met in the time frame that I’ve set. So even after communicating a number of times, if she is not sensitive enough to a few situations, it upsets me. He not playing as seriously as I do makes me angry. The issue is not the expectation but it is the disturbance.

2. People change where they want to change. I may want them to change in one aspect and something else may be their priority.

3. Just because I’m not able to see positive changes in people immediately, it doesn’t mean they are not good people or they are not improving. They may be improving but my ambitious time frame for them may block me from seeing those little changes.

4. People will follow my example more than my advice. It is very easy to point out at others and let them know where they need to change. What’s not easy is to invest the same time and energy on myself and get to know where I need to improve. Mahatma Gandhi rightly said, “The true textbook of a pupil is his teacher.” When we change, when we improve, the world around us also improves.

Our loved ones deserve our patience; deserve our appreciation for the little improvements. We need to celebrate their improvements rather than being critical about their imperfections. In fact, I wonder, what would people do for the rest of their lives if they all turned perfect overnight?

I guess I need to get a new leaf for myself and watch it transform-this time, patiently.

My last post was about what i learnt from life in a hard way. I'm also lucky enough to have got a chance to work in a corporate world with RedPill Solutions (now a part of IBM) as an intern.

Having been a part of a corporate life for around 8 months, i have learnt that relationship with an organization is more or less similar to a marital relationship.Compatibility - of culture,value systems, and people, plays a major role here too.

Here too divorce exists though the terminology is different! Here too the stakes are very high. Here too it is possible to build a beautiful relationship and makes one's work life happy and smooth. It only requires for us to follow some basic ethics and values that help in adapting, adjusting, retaining and growing. After all, it is mutually beneficial relationship where one has to give and take.

To be frank, one can not get to the top by just rubbing shoulders with big people, or by doing politics. Over and above qualification and certification, there are certain core values that surely help one to get to the top and also make one stay over there.

No.1: Attitude

Attitude plays a major role in making or breaking one's career. A positive attitude breaks barriers and make the person achieve, irrespective of his degrees and certificates. A positive attitude is sure to enable one's growth and success. An individual must believe that he will make it happen, come what may. This is a key factor for so many lesser privileged to achieve despite drawbacks.

No.2: Passion

Without the fire called "Passion", one can only keep watching the clock to count the number of hours one puts in. A person with passion, no matter what, will ensure that the work assigned will be completed within time limit. There will be no word called 'Procrastination' in their dictionary. The fire has to keep burning to learn new things, experiment and to innovate.

No.3: Loyalty

This is one more factor that decides why some employees stay with an organization while others don't. Being loyal means staying with the organization, speaking well about the organization and also giving references to join. Also it gives ample time for an employee to grow and prove himself. It also brings with it a lot of respect and admiration and allows the organization to elevate and support the employee. So being loyal does not question my marketability for job offers. It only proves my strength and capabilities to adapt, persevere and grow along with the organization.

No.4: Humility

As we grow up the ladder, so must our humility. Humility is not a sign of weakness. In fact, only people with the most balanced and matured minds are capable of this and it is only these who make it to the top. Humility does not mean you think less OF yourself. It only means you think less ABOUT yourself.

No.5: Respect

Be it in the corporate world or otherwise, it is actually a small world. Give respect and take respect is the policy. One never knows whom we would meet again and again in the journey of life. Always respect the individual be it your boss, your subordinates, your colleagues, or anyone for that matter. We have something to learn from everyone, irrespective of age or seniority.

No.6: Caution

Think before you act. Never be impulsive in saying or writing. Once said, you cannot take it back and once written, its proof. Especially, when in anger, it is always better to wait for a day or two, to let the feelings pass.(This rings a bell or two in my ears!!! I still feel embarrassed when i think about what i did in the flow of emotions once) Always consult someone close to you for good advice.

No.7: No Politics

Do not engage in politics even if seems interesting. Even the walls have ears bickering about others behind their backs, revealing things said in confidence, loose talks are all politics and best avoided. Politics stunts growth for sure.

No.8: Honesty

There is no alternative to honesty. Honesty pays. It is an integral element of credibility and hence character. Dishonesty has a very short shelf life.

No.9: Knowledge Transfer

Record every learning and experience and pass it to your next in line. Do not hesitate to transfer valuable knowledge and best practices that might help another person to learn and grow. Allowing other persons to grow is the sign of strength.

No.10: Hard Work

There is no substitute for hard work. Hard work pays. Nothing comes easy in life and every thing good in life comes with a price and once we have decided to make it big, we will have to burn the midnight oil, dirty our hands, and sometimes sacrifice our personal interests. It all depends on what we want to achieve and how much we are prepared to stretch ourselves to achieve it.

Remember, Success is not what you achieve compared to others. It is what you achieve compared to what you are capable of.

Thanks to all those people who made my internship a success at RedPill.

What I Have Learned The Hard Way

I've learned: That you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. That it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life counts. That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. That no matter how much i care, some people just don't care back.

I've learned: That it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it. That you should not compare yourself to the best others can do. That you can do something in an instance that will give you heartache for life. That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. That either you control your attitude or it controls you. That no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned: That heroes are those people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. That its hard to determine where to draw line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

I've learned: That sometimes people you expect to kick you when you are down will be the ones to help you get back up. That sometimes when i'm angry, i have the right to be angry but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned: That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. That your maturity is always one leg below the experiences you have in life and the very purpose of every new experience is to give you that maturity.

I've learned: That you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it. That no matter how parents try to protect their children, children will eventually get hurt and parents too will get hurt in the process.

I've learned: That my friends and i can do anything or nothing, and have the best time. That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. That we don't have to change friends, if we understand that friends change. That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned: That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.That life will continue teaching me things THE HARD WAY...

Dew Drops or Tears?

While walking in my garden that early morning,
On the trees i saw water drops shining.
I started wondering- The sky is clear
And neither is rainy season anywhere near!

A question rose in my mind,
From where can come, the water of this kind?
Someone introduced it as dewdrops at last,
And i pondered who passed from here last?

The answer i got was "The Night",
And on thinking i found it right.
I asked the night,"Who poured this water here?"
She replied,"Its not water but my tear."

"Your tears!",I asked with surprise,
"Yes",She said,"I cried not once but thrice."
I exclaimed,"You cried, but why?"
And the night told me why did she cry.

Kindly tell me O night passing by,
I see these dewdrops but why?
With a heavy seigh replied the night
When my heart cries, my tears fall as dewdrops bright

The reasons the night cried:

Reason 1:

When i see those little orphans weeping,
Dreaming for a glimpse of their mother while sleeping,
When i see them hurt and suffering,
Tears rolling from my eyes fall as dewdrops shining.

Reason 2:

Some tired travellers of this life's journey,
Getting old and loosing energy,
I see them insulted and becoming helpless being,
Tears rolling from my eyes fall as dewdrops shining.

Reason 3:

In the morning blossoms a lovely flower,
It spreads its fragrance far and near,
On my arrival, when i see it withering,
Tears rolling from my eyes fall as dewdrops shining.

So next time u see dewdrops in the morning,
Just think, these r dewdrops or tears?